BELLEFONTE - The words didn't come easily for Victim 1 as he sat alone on the stand during the second day of the Jerry Sandusky child sex abuse trial in Bellefonte.
After describing how overnight sleepovers at Sandusky's State College home progressed from a kiss on the forehead to Sandusky blowing on his bare stomach, the now 18-year-old who choked back tears as he struggled to speak out loud what he later said he's been trying to forget.
"He put his mouth on my privates," the young man who met Sandusky during his second trip to a Second Mile camp in 2005.
At one point, the judge politely advised the alleged victim he couldn't argue with Sandusky's defense attorney, Joe Amendola.
He had blurted out, "I'd like you to stop asking me the same questions," as he responded to another question about the slight inconsistencies in his statements to various investigators leading up to Tuesday's testimony.
At times, he sat for a few moments trying to control his sobs and collect himself, as he said he did during his second of three appearances before a grand jury.
The emotional appearance underscores a serious problem facing victims of sexual abuse, Michael Boni, an attorney representing Victim 1, said after his client's testimony.
The victims are hesitant to come forward and if they are confronted with telling their story, they think no one will believe them and they don't often come out with the full extent of the abuse out of shame and embarrassment, Boni said.
That hesitation leads to variations in details such as dates, number of instances and sometimes exactly how much abuse took place, he said.
"I think this case is going to show the world how exceedingly difficult it is for victims of sexual abuse to report that heinous crime," said Boni, who said his client and the boy's mother were beyond frustrated by the Keystone Central School District's alleged initial reaction to the allegations that seemed to side with Sandusky automatically.
"You saw today firsthand the pain that a victim of sexual abuse undergoes," Boni said. "The number of times he or she has to tell his or her story and how painful each account is and finally culminating in a trial that the world is watching. It's beyond torture and it's a shame. It's unfortunate."
Boni said his client, who appeared confident but anxious on the stand, had been ready to testify but said he thinks he might have been unaware of what he would face during cross-examination.
"I believe he probably was overconfident in how this would go," Boni admitted. "I had dinner with him two nights ago. It was very pleasant. He seemed very relaxed."
It's not a story his client can tell without trouble, Boni said.
"When he tells this story, as you all saw, he got very, very emotional," Boni noted.
The attorney pointed out Amendola went after his client the only way he can, by attacking his credibility and insinuating it's all for a payday.
"Joe (Amendola) has precious little to go on so he exploited what little he had in the record," Boni said,. "And plainly in the record at various times in grand jury reports there were different accounts, different numbers.
"I don't think any defense attorney would do anything differently," Boni added.
Although Boni said he was "a little surprised that there wasn't at least one objection if for no other reason than to support the witness," he thought the prosecutors were doing a great job.
Curtis St. John knows what the victims are facing.
As a past president of MaleSurvivor, formerly the National Organization on Male Sexual Victimization, St. John was in Bellefonte from his home state of New York to show support for the victims and let them know they are not alone and they can heal.
For 22 years, St. John remained silent about sexual abuse at the hands of his fifth-grade teacher Albert Fentess in 1979.
In 1980, Fentress abused and mutilated an 18-year-old high school student before killing and eating parts of the teenager, a crime he confessed to but was found legally insane and therefore hospitalized with a release hearing scheduled for once a year.
Fentress, who couldn't be prosecuted for the abuse St. John said he experienced because the statute of limitations had expired, was considered "a pillar of the community" and "award winning teacher," he noted.
Still, when St. John heard that Fentress would likely be released, he came forward and provided testimony at Fentress' hearing that sent the killer to a maximum security facility instead since it showed the courts Fentress had been lying to his doctors.
Giving that testimony, and admitting what had happened to him, "was tough," he said.
Your background is scrutinized by private investigators and you feel alone, he said.
"I wasn't afraid," he said. "I was nervous."
Before he stepped forward, he knew he wasn't happy but today, with time and therapy, he feels "grateful" and knew it was "the right thing to do."
"Recovery is possible," St. John said. "They have a long road ahead of them but they're taking the first steps."
